at least i dont take my problems out for a walk

i run away
i chose to ignore
if only not to cry anymore
the escape from the hurt
from the thoughts that burn
i run away from all that dirt

I Gotta Go My Own Way - Vanessa Hudgens

Vanessa-
Troy, listen.

I gotta say what's on my mind
Something about us
Doesn't seem right these days
Life keeps getting in the way
Whenever we try
Somehow the plan
Is always rearranged

It's so hard to say
But I've got to do what's best for me
You'll be okay

[Chorus]
I've got to move on and be who I am
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand
We might find a place in this world someday
But at least for now
I gotta go my own way

Don't wanna leave it all behind
But I get my hopes up
And I watch them fall every time
Another color turns to gray
And it's just to hard
To watch it all
Slowly fade away

I'm leaving today
'Cause I gotta do what's best for me
You'll be okay

[Chorus]
I've got to move on and be who I am
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand
We might find a place in this world someday
But at least for now
I gotta go my own way

Zac-
What about us?
What about everything we've been through?

Vanessa-
What about trust?

Zac-
You know I never wanted to hurt you

Vanessa-
What about me?

Zac-
What am I supposed to do?

Vanessa-
I gotta leave but I'll miss you

Vanessa-
So, I've got to move on and be who I am

Zac-
Why do you have to go?

Vanessa-
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand

Zac-
I'm trying to understand

Vanessa-
We might find a place in this world someday
But at least for now

Zac-
I want you to stay

Vanessa-
I gotta go my own way (hold "way")
I've got to move on and be who I am (say during "way")

Zac-
What about us?

Vanessa-
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand

Zac-
I'm trying to understand

Vanessa-
We might find a place in this world someday (World someday)
But at least for now
I gotta go my own way
I gotta go my own way
I gotta go-my own way

Big Girls Don't Cry - Fergie


Da Da Da Da
The smell of your skin lingers on me now
You're probably on your flight back to your home town
I need some shelter of my own protection baby
To be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity

[CHORUS:]
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry

The path that I'm walking
I must go alone
I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grown
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay

[CHORUS]

Like the little school mate in the school yard
We'll play jacks and uno cards
I'll be your best friend and you'll be my Valentine
Yes you can hold my hand if you want to
'Cause I want to hold yours too
We'll be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds
But it's time for me to go home
It's getting late, dark outside
I need to be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity

[CHORUS]

La Da Da Da Da Da

back to school! been receiving results for the last two days. not bad lar. considering i didnt study much and all. but shit. i really need to buck up. stefs birthday today. happy birthday girl! shared a fudgie for her. hahas. felt pretty emo today though. like really on the rocks. on the rocks going to fall over kind. had art today. like the rest of the week... DUH. i never thought that i'd say this. but damn was art relaxing. its like you concentrate on something till you feel nothing else. not whats happening around you or thinking bout issues that disturb you. its really theraupathic. hahas. wow. yeah. but its good i guess. it steadies me. it the earthquakes thats been my life. i have no idea what i'd do after i hand it up and have nothing to do. i'll probably just break down or something. dahs.

all good things must come to an end, thats why you left.

hms. writing emo stories help too. puts out all your feelings you know. hahas. maybe it'll be my new thing. still feeling kinda emo now though. i have no idea why. i really feel like just breaking down. but i wont. and cant. because i will not show my weakness not again...

it must be true
truly noone
noone
understands.

desperate for love

"It was the 16th of June. As I looked at the picture of her smiling face on the marble enclove, a tear rolled down my cheek, splashing onto the white daisies I held in my hand.
It was summer break. Suzie and I decided to go on a hiking trip in the nearby forest. We had been there many times before, the paths ingraved into our minds. I guess it was complacency that led us to thinking nothing could go wrong. We were to set off the following weekend.
On the dreadful day, though grey clouds lingered on from the nights' previous storm, the sun hung high, painting a beautiful mirage. "Oh what a wonderful day!" exclaimed Suzie, not knowing what was soon to befall. How wrong we were... The events that followed will haunt me forever.
We set off. Teasing and joking as we went along, leaving all care and worry behind. We were halfway through the hiking trail when it hit us. First the strong winds and booming thunder, then the heavy rain. We ran. We had to hurry, the nearest shelter was still a few kilometres away.
So we ran and ran. I reached the shelter first. I looked back, waiting and willing Suzie to appear. Fifteen minutes passed, then half an hour, an hour...
"Suzie! Where are you?!" I yelled into the heavy rain. It drowned out my screams.
"Now I have to remain calm. I have to remain calm! I'll wait for the rain to lighten up alittle then I'll go look. It won't do anyone any good if we're both stuck in the rain right? RIGHT!" I said, reassuring myself. Five gruelling minutes later, anxiety gripped me, I could no longer wait. The wind lashed against my face as I ran.
"Suzie! Suzie! Suzie!" I cried. I could hear no response. I ran back along the trail. Then I saw.
A red scarf, hanging on a branch a little way below the trail. A red scarf, identical to the one Suzie had wore around her neck. Without much thought, I jumped. As I half rolled half ran down the slope, I felt fear. Fear not for myself, but for Suzie.
I found her limp body at the bottom of the hill. i could feel neither her warmth nor hear her heartbeat. Never in my life had I felt fear that great. I feared for my friend, for what had happened and what this meant. My cries echoed with the howling winds.
According to hearsay, they found us two days after. They thought I would not make it either. But I did, sadly. Suzie, oh Suzie! It was my fault, all my fault! If I only had checked the weather report, or heard her cries of help, or not wait at the shelter even though I felt something was wrong... I should have been more careful, more alert! Now Suzie was gone. Smiling Suzie, always laughing and joking, bringing joy to all those around her.
Now my happy bunny was gone and all that was left of me was an empty shell. The joy in me died as Suzie did.
I put the daisies onto the ledge and walked away. Sadness swelling me up as the dark night did all over again.
Suzie."

if i could hear you sing one more time

listening to jason mraz now. its totally addictive. hahas. just went for indian lunch AGAIN. gosh i think im addicted man. hahas. hms. for church we did the rice distribution. some of the neighbours are really chatty. it was kinda nice. REALLY. just the damper weather. hahas. gotta rush the hwork today. sucks. XD

two can play

we've grown up... why havent you?
face up to reality man

life is so unfair. why are all the cute guys 14. AHHS. why arent i 14. AHH. i feel so old.

case in point;
1. George Sampson


2. Thomas (Tom) Daley



plus theyre both brit. hmms. im soo going to great britain one day. hahas. oh yeah. PLUS both my upper/lower neighbour. and thyre both 14 and cute. but i dont have their pictures. pity. im not a stalker kays. hmms.

hahas xD. didnt go for art today. slept till late man! it was SOO nice. xD. but im STILL doing art at home kays. so its not like im slacking or whatever. fixing my cans now. into a phone booth of all things. but what the teacher wants she gets right... yeah and let me tell you its soo not easy. well actually i did it in school already. using masking tape. and she asked me to redo it with glue. cos it looked like hell. well i guess it sorta did. so now im doing it all over again. AFTER i practically mummified it too. wow. my life cant get better. hms. ohyeah. i just bathed my fudgie too. shes so adorable. and she keeps making me feel so darn guilty. cos i put her in the basin since her cage is drying and all. and she keeps trying to escape. and when she finally gives up she sits in one corner and looks up at me REALLY pitifully with those beady eyes of hers. AHHS. its for your own good kay darling. i love you. you know that right. this is not to get back at the time you pooped on me. xD hmms. last day of holls today. pretty sad. and to think theres soo much stuff to do when we get back to school and all. so NOT looking forward to that. and the constant reminder that 'o's is in WHAT one months time. shit. i should seriously START studying man. yeah. darn it. AHHS.

4 In The Morning - Gwen Stefani


Waking up to find another day
The moon got lost again last night
But now the sun has finally had its say
I guess I feel alright

But it hurts when I think, when I let it sink in
It’s all over me
i'm lying here in the dark
watching you sleep, it hurts a lot

And all I know is you’ve got to give me everything
and nothing less,cuz you know I give you all of me

I give you everything that I am
I’m handin over everything that I’ve got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don’t ever wanna have to go and give you up
Stay up till four in the mornin and the tears are pouring
And I want make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time
Baby if we’re gonna do it come we do it right

All I wanted was to know i'm safe
Don’t wanna lose the love I've found
Remember when you said that you would change
Don’t let me down

It’s not fair, how you are
I can’t be complete, can you give me more

And all I know is you’ve got to give me everything
and nothing less,cuz you know I give you all of me

I give you everything that I am
I’m handin over everything that I’ve got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don’t ever wanna have to go and give you up
Stay up till four in the mornin and the tears are pouring
And I want make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time
Baby if we’re gonna do it come we do it right

Oh please, you know what I need
Save all your love for me
We can’t escape the love
Give me everything that you have

And all I know is you’ve got to give me everything
and nothing less,cuz you know I give you all of me

I give you everything that I am
I’m handin over everything that I’ve got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don’t ever wanna have to go and give you up
Stay up till four in the mornin and the tears are pouring
And I want make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time
Baby if we’re gonna do it come we do it right

looks like im getting back into music again. i dont know if thats good anot...
ANYWAYS. went for art today. did quite alot today. suprise suprise. hahas. brid walked me home. talked alot today too. hahas. talked bout WIERD stuff and some serious stuff. ohyeah and i found out. like OH MY GOSH. BRID IS SUCH A BIMBO! hahas. yups poland is like in germany. and finland is in USA. and S.america is the same as USA. totally man. hahas. hmms. after that went to eat japanese for dinner. yums. totally stuffed now. XD. yays. XD

Nobody Knows - Pink


Nobody knows
Nobody knows but me
That I sometimes cry
If I could pretend that I'm asleep
When my tears start to fall
I peek out from behind these walls
I think nobody knows
Nobody knows no

Nobody likes
Nobody likes to lose their inner voice
The one I used to hear before my life
Made a choice
But I think nobody knows
No no
Nobody knows
No

Baby
Oh the secret's safe with me
There's nowhere else in the world that I could ever be
And baby don't it feel like I'm all alone
Who's gonna be there after the last angel has flown
And I've lost my way back home
I think nobody knows no
I said nobody knows
Nobody cares

It's win or lose not how you play the game
And the road to darkness has a way
Of always knowing my name
But I think nobody knows
No no
Nobody knows no no no no

Baby
Oh the secret's safe with me
There's nowhere else in the world that I could ever be
And baby don't it feel like I'm all alone
Who's gonna be there after the last angel has flown
And I've lost my way back home
And oh no no no no
Nobody knows
No no no no no no

Tomorrow I'll be there my friend
I'll wake up and start all over again
When everybody else is gone
No no no

Nobody knows
Nobody knows the rhythem of my heart
The way I do when I'm lying in the dark
And the world is asleep
I think nobody knows
Nobody knows
Nobody knows but me
Me

AHHS. screwed up piece of shit.
okays let me back up abit here. today went for piano exam. i practically did everything cept screw it up. shits. shats. shets.
i played everything wrongly kays. it sucked. when i first reached there i really REALLY wasnt nervous. but since they were like you have to come half an hour earlier. so i was waiting there for half an hour. and do you know how nerve wrecking THAT was. the nervous thing sorts of builds up over time ya know. and darn did i have time. so when i went in my head was like BLANK and my fingers were all numb. so not good for a piano exam. anyways later, after the whole breakdown, went roaming aimlessly around. bought some beads and ribbons for who knows what. they just kinda looked kinda preeety ya know. hahas. then went to browse gramaphone. i soo wanted to buy that dvd. but didnt have enough money. sucker. but who cares now right. at least its OVER. yeah. but i'll probably fail. so that means i have to take it again. darns. ohwells. we learnt from our failures. ITS A LEARNING EXPERIANCE. hahas. gotta go eat my chocolatte ice cream now. ooooh. ice creamm. thats one hell of a remedy (:

Sleeping to Dream - Jason Mraz


And I
I'm dreaming of sleeping next to you and feeling like a lost little boy in a brand new town
I'm counting my sheep and each one that passes is another dream to ashes
And they all fall down.

And as I lay me down tonight
I close my eyes
What, what a beautiful sight

[Chorus:]
Sleeping to dream about you
And I'm so tired
Of having to live without you
But I don't mind
Sleeping to dream about you and I'm so tired

I found myself in the riches
Your eyes, your lips, your hair and you were everywhere
I woke up in the ditches, I hit the light and I thought you might be here
But you were nowhere (you were nowhere)
Well You were nowhere

And as I lay me back to sleep
Lord I pray that I can keep

[Repeat Chorus]

It's just a little a lullaby to keep myself from crying myself to sleep at night
Oh just a lullabye to keep from crying myself to sleep
Oh just a, just oh, just a little lullabye,

Sleeping to dream about you
And I'm so tired
Of having to live without you
And I'm so tired

[Repeat Chorus]

Well I'm so, I'm tired
I'm falling, I'm so tired, I'm so tired

insensitive brute
thats what you are.

i just want to get away
i dont want to listen
i dont want to know
distance
our bodies automatically distance ourselves from harms way
maybe thats why
i'm no longer there
because i dont want to get hurt
because i dont want to be there
but i doubt anyone ever notices
because noone cares
run away
before the waves crash down
sealing me forever in utter darkness

I'm Yours - Jason Mraz


Well-a you done done me
And you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks and now I'm trying to get back

Before the cool done run out I'll be giving it my bestest
And nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some
But I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Mmmmhmmm-Mmmmhhmmm, Mmmmmhmmm
(Heeeeey heeeey)

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
I look into your heart and you'll find love love love love

Listen to the music of the moment, people dance and sing
We're just one big family
And it's our God-forsaken right to be loved loved loved loved loved

So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm sure
There's no need to complicate, our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

(Scatting)
Do you want to come on?
Scooch on over closer dear, I'll whisper in your ear
Wo-ooo-o-oh who-oo-o-o-oh
Oh yes love, love love love love love
Love you love, love you love

I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
But my breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and I laughed

I guess what I be saying is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanities and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do, our name is our virtue

But I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Open up your mind and see like me
(I won't hesitate)
Open up your plans and damn you're free
(No more, no more)
I look into your heart and you'll find that the sky is yours
(It cannot wait, I'm sure)

So please don't, (please don't, please don't)
There's no need
(There's no need to complicate)
There's no need to complicate
(Our time is short)
'Cause our time is short
(This is our fate)
This is oh, this is oh, this is our fate
I'm yo-o-o-o-ooo-ours
Ahhh

anger rant, pardon me.

HEY YOU. yeah you. 'friend'. like hello you selfish bitch. you call yourself my 'friend'? i think not. like hello do you ever listen to me. maybe. sometimes. but im not sure youre actually listening right. like theres a difference between listening and hearing case you didnt know. and i have never EVER felt your care and concern. do you even WANT to keep this friendship running. do you take initiative? never. its always me. you know. sometimes i get tired too. im not at your beck and call kays. friends trust one another. they know stuff bout each other. bet you dont know anything bout me. well its okay cos you never tell me bout you too. but maybe its cos you have this perfect life eh. and i just fit in as an accesory. everyone thinks youre soo great. im like what. youre substitute. yeah. when youre not around they come to me. like im always not good enough or something. you always expect everything to go your way. and you just LOVE being the center of attention dont you. like hello. sure youre the center of attention. but like for all the wrong reasons. DUH. shit i cant think anymore. DMAN

when anger gets to you,
you start writing girbish.
so it might be targeted to anyone really.
but if you think it resembles you,
damn i hate you.

at least i got it out of my system huh.
save me!

finally im posting. hahas. been totally hectic the last few weeks. inside and out. got stuff to study (well cram) and things to think bout. but its the holls now. WHOOTS. so im putting it all behind. well if not forever at least temporarily right. kays. hms. went for art today. probably gonna go back the whole week. i never thought i say this. but darn was art refreshing. hahas. it keeps my mind off things. which is good. hms. art was always supposed to be this like relaxing outlet or something. you know. to get rid of fruastrations and all. but ever since i took it for a subject its been feeling everything but. it became a chore man. but its good the GOOD feeling is back. xD and im finally having a vision for my artpiece. about time i say. hahas. hope its not too late though. hms. had a bitch gossip with kelly and brid. i'd say damn is it stress relieving. hahas. i know its mean and all but. YEAH~ man. hahas. then later went to piano. stupid lar rent a studio to 'get a feel' of the piano there for the exams (which by the way is tmr. totally stressing) for 28 bucks. anyways. it was kinda drizzling after that so couldnt go home. so YAY went sweater shopping. bought 2! xD i have no idea but i totally adore sweaters/sweatshirts/ yada yada. ohyeah i like them with hoods though sometimes that means its sloppy. but i guess jackets will do too. anyways. i love those! hahas. something to do with security or whatever. cos you like feel soo safe and warm in them. hahas. ive soo got a security issue man. but hey. admitting is the first step to recovery rights. hahas. kays later me and the family went out for dinner. and GREAT miah remembered he had tuition at 7 and we were in the middle of dinner at 655. awesome. so we had to like CHUCK down the rest of the junk. then when we FINALLY went home it was 715 and mi was like shit did he come and go or something. and then he REALISED. tuition was at 730. i so felt like killing him. totally ruined my appetite and all. hahas. ohwells. xD ohyeah. brid was saying like what a black face i had and all (so not new) and i was thinking. man. if he and i ever. like EVER. got married and have kids in the future. with my black face and his black face. can you imagine our kids. GOSH. so totally EUW. i bet everyone would hate our kids and be like why are you soo angry to them all the time. hahas. BUT like that will ever happen right. well a girl can dream. ~ ok random afterthought here: this article is taking me darn long to write cos im downloading music and it keeps interupting me. sheesh. ohyeah im downloading suju. yeah. im in shock to. please slap kiss revive me. cos i was like finished secondhand serenade (theyre my current IT) ashlee simpson jonas brothers ... so i was like what more. so suju. who knows maybe i'll start liking them after this. hahas.

'liar liar pants on fire'
i guess i'll be burning in hell after i die

Jasmine C
09.04.1992

i'd run with the wind beneath my wings
but i'd fall

i say the night is young.
you say the night is beautiful.
what does the night say?


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